Snorting candy is most def bad for you : P

Been awhile since my last post. I was definetly in depression mode but now things are really lookin up. After my last post i went to the beach again and I swam with 3 seaturtles it was really cool. Said goodbye to my only female friend here and then that weekend gained a new guy friend. OOOhhhh, man has it been fun hangin out with him and my other friend. I might even post a vid of our fun night tonight on here..maybe. Anyways things are lookin up here. Having two people who know me is way better than a crap load that only know me from my surface traits. Oh and we're thinkin bout makin a film with our class before december. Let you know how things go. TTyl.

" I don't think you could handle me no matter how bad I want you to."

I'm stuck in a never ending cycle

I do this crazy thing where if I'm interested in someone I always think about other girls that are intrested in him too and how they are more suited to him than me. I always refer to them as "Genuine girls". Girls who are the center of attention and who are not afraid to say that they have an intrest in someone. Man I wish I had balls like them. I always clam up and come off as an up-tight bitch. I'm to scared to take a risk and put myself out there. I always get rejected and then I get all these others guys intrested in me that I have no intrest in. I know I sound cold, not giving them a chance at all, but I don't function like that. If I'm not physically attracted to you then there really is no chance. I'm like a guy. I think with my eyes and then my heart follows after. Anyways this is my endless cylce. I get intrested in someone, doubt that they could have an intrest in me too, then I meet a new guy and do it all over again. Someone help me stop this cycle! I don't wanna keep doing this through my 20s.

I had a crazy dream the other night. Crazy but cute. So I was in this rocket ship that looked like a Rubik's cube listening to spice girls and playing uno with this guy I have a crush on. It even had the old school Star trek control panel. I was laughing so hard when I woke up. Eating an insane amount of candy before sleeping is REALLY not a good idea. ^o^

So I wanna back track to my previous post about needing some human contact really bad. I've noticed lately that when I look back at my dreams about crushes I've had I have never dreamed about kissing and etc with them. EVER! The only thing I really do is hang out with them and do a lot of hugging. I dream about kissing celebrities but never real guys. It is so strange. Just felt like blogging about that. I don't know maybe that means I have too much of an affinity towards fantasies rather than connecting with reality.

AAaaahhh well until next time