No longer a Thundercat...more like a Puma

So......after my wild adventure that night I thought things between the person I had a crush on was still gonna be cool, but it didn't work out at all. I mean I had taken such a huge and I mean HUGE personal step and thought I really would haven been fine after but every time that I saw him I felt this great sense of failure. It started out small but then got bigger and bigger. I freakin destroyed the little girl inside of me that was afraid to show true affection towards a man and then to have see him every day and act like we were just cool was too much. It also didn't help that I was having issues with my very first boyfriend ever, best friend, and other life related stuff. Yeah btw I had a boyfriend overseas. It was a learning experience. I will talk about it more in a another post. Back to the issue at hand. Everything in the end just ended up just blowing up out of control. I mean we had gotten close and then I just suddenly stopped talkin to him but at the same time I thought it was mutual because he was going through his own stuff but appernently in the end it was mainly my fault because he really saw me as a really good friend and I hadnt realized that. But since I started making distance between us he just totally put me on the " Go jump off a bridge and die BITCH" list, there was no way I was gonna get off it so now I am where I am. I only wish he could know that the day I realized I fucked up everything between us I cried all day long ( I was in a girls bathroom crying like I was in some fucked up indie movie) and every night until I went home I cried. I felt totally empty by the time I went home. Every memory I had with him was rushing through my mind....... I don't know if he will ever listen to what I have to tell him. Sucks balls big time, especially since I'll be seeing him when I go back to school. awww the joys of the 20's... life lessons galore. Bring 'em on, because good or bad they all help shape me into the person I will be.